After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
