My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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