she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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