he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
