i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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