the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So many bounce houses so little time
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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