I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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