new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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