I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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