And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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