they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
