I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
