it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize