It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i came on her dog
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We are all done wearing pants today
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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