just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
