I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
