Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
