Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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