I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
