It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
