You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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