the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
