Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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