Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
