my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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