That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
