I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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