Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize