I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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