listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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