Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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