There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
