my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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