I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize