i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
