please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
