I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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