I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We need to rekindle our bromance
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
