Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
