I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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