as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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