Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize