I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
