I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
