my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
