i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
