Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
