your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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