Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
