We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
