5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize