Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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