he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
