Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
