..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
