you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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