i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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