I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
