I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
