From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
