I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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