the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
