Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
