You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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