Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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