i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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